Seeking Relationship Clarity: A Journey from Assumption

The irony of not having relationship clarity is that you might be with someone and still feel alone within that relationship.

Have you ever found yourself wondering whether you’re truly in a relationship or merely living in an illusion of one? Relationship clarity uncertainty sometimes makes the lines blur. In this captivating journey, we will explore the signs of a real relationship and strategies for achieving relationship clarity.

Some relationships start unplanned and then transition into an actual commitment. On one hand, in some unplanned relationships, some people find themselves compelled to be with someone they know deep down in their hearts is not the right match for them and who they would never want to be with. Yet, they find themselves agreeing to it for various reasons. This lack of relationship clarity definition can lead to confusion.

The Illusion of Assumption (Feelings vs Reality)

Being with someone while feeling alone in a supposed relationship is an experience many can relate to. The trouble often begins when some people equate a relationship with sex, mistakenly believing that physical intimacy alone constitutes commitment. However, a genuine relationship is more than a physical connection; it’s a conscious decision.

A relationship is a decision, not merely a product of fleeting emotions. Feelings, without a subsequent understanding of the situation, do not constitute a relationship. Two individuals in a relationship must agree and be aware that they are together. They have to consciously decide to be together, irrespective of whether they love each other or not, as there could be various reasons for such decisions.

Sometimes, people construct a mental image of a relationship with someone without knowing if the other person shares the same perspective.

They assume that when someone displays different forms of affection, such as showing care and love, checking in on them, and always being there, it implies they are in a committed relationship.

This is where the actual issue begins, leading to heartbreak and emotional trauma. Assumptions often lead to the downfall of many relationships. When people assume they are in a committed partnership without proper communication, it paves the way for misunderstandings, unmet expectations, and heartbreak.

The Art of Agreement

A real relationship is based on agreement, not just emotions. It requires both individuals to agree and understand that they are in a partnership, regardless of whether love is in the air at that very moment.

Without finding out what the other person truly wants, you can’t assume and conclude that because the other person does this or that, then you guys must be in a relationship. 

For instance, when you have thoughts like… ‘How can we be this close, doing all these crazy things, and then you say we ain’t together?’

Yes! Your thought is correct. You are not together until you are together by agreement. Do not deceive yourself by convincing yourself that you both are an item.

This other person might have a different thought in their head, different from yours. They may be having fun while you are catching feelings and being serious.

The Power of Asking: How to Get the Right Clarity

Save yourself the stress by asking simple questions to help you know where you stand, regardless of what the foundation was from the beginning.

If at some point you ever feel you want more from a person, then you have the right to know if they also feel the same way.

Before you go ahead to ask the question while seeking relationship clarity, mind you… do not ask the “What are we” question outrightly like that. This is for situations where the relationship was never defined from the beginning.

If you go ahead to be bluntly direct, you may be digging a hole for yourself.

Why You Should Ask for Clarity?

The moment you realize that you are beginning to want more from this person, or that you have developed a special likeness, love, or bond for them beyond your imagination, you should at least help yourself by finding out if the other person thinks of you in such a manner.

Do not get things twisted; life isn’t perfect, so do not look at yourself as a weakling because you are not.

There is no perfect way to live life to its fullness. At any point when we realize that we need changes in our lives, that point becomes a new starting point for us.

It’s a point where we decide to start afresh.

Remember that your goal is to define what you both share so that you can know if the other person thinks of you in the same manner you think of them.

One of the reasons why you came to this conclusion in the first place is because:

• You may want more from the person.
• You may want to avoid a potential heartbreak for yourself.
• You may want to focus on what adds value to your life and life objectives.
• You may want to know your stand to help you make better future decisions, to know what to do and what not to do, and what to expect and not expect.
• Often, situations like this begin as friendship and then they go beyond it, finding yourself in a situation you cannot define

How to Ask to Gain Clarity

So, how do you ask the “What are we” question without making it seem like you expect a particular answer from them? This approach works for both men and women. If you genuinely care about the other person and want to know if they’re interested in taking your supposed relationship to the next level, consider asking indirectly to avoid putting too much pressure on them.

The key is to avoid putting them on the spot, which might lead to dishonest answers. Instead of directly asking, “What are we?” try these alternative questions:

“Hey, I’ve been doing some thinking lately. We’ve become really close, and I’m not entirely sure what our relationship is evolving into. I’d like to take a step back to reassess my feelings about ‘us’ if you don’t mind. Have you had similar thoughts?”

You can be more direct without using the exact “What are we” question. Ask questions like:

“Tell me, what are your thoughts about me, do you think I would make a good partner?”

“How do you feel about me beyond our friendship and the current situation between us?”

For women, an indirect approach could involve asking:

“Have you ever considered officially asking me out? Can you see us in a more committed relationship in the future?”

You can also say, “Is there a chance you might ask me out?”

For guys, you can use similar indirect questions:

“What do you think about our connection beyond friendship and our current circumstances?”

“Have you ever thought about the possibility of me officially asking you to be my girlfriend?”

“Do you see me as someone who could be a good partner?”

When asking these questions, give the other person space, and don’t expect an immediate, perfect answer. 

Pretend as though you didn’t ask that question if needed. This approach allows them to process their feelings and thoughts, which may take some time. It’s all about creating an open and non-confrontational environment for discussion. If you really are seeking relationship clarity, then you must learn to keep your emotions in check throughout this period to enable you to move away from assumption into reality.

Allowing Time for Thought: Why Patience Matters

As mentioned before, we strongly advise against asking the direct “What are we?” question. When you explicitly ask, “What are we?” you’re essentially implying to the other person that you assume you’re in a relationship, even though both of you haven’t reached any agreement.

The problem with this approach is that you might be setting them up to provide the answer they think you want to hear in that moment. Asking such a serious question out of the blue, while expecting an immediate response, often leads to dishonesty.

Out of fear of losing you and the benefits they derive from the current situation, they might lie to make you happy, even though their true feelings may differ. For example, if you say, “I love you,” they might reciprocate, even if it’s not how they genuinely feel. Essentially, you’ve indirectly informed them of the response you’re anticipating.

It’s important to understand that while some people may have the courage to tell the truth immediately, most individuals would find it challenging. This is a fundamental aspect of human nature, and only a minority would openly express their true thoughts, especially when they stand to lose certain benefits or privileges.

Always bear in mind that when you ask such questions, you should allow them ample space and not expect a perfect immediate answer, should they decide to answer on the spot.

One effective strategy is to act as if you never asked that question and swiftly change the topic, if possible. Then, patiently wait for them to provide an answer, perhaps a week or more later. This approach allows them time to reflect on their thoughts since your question caught them off guard.

By giving them time, you subtly communicate that you’re not pressuring them for an instant response. This space encourages them to engage in a personal introspection. If they’ve never contemplated the question before, they might experience confusion at that very moment.

Remember that everyone’s situation is unique, and responses and subsequent events will vary from person to person. Your question essentially communicates your new standpoint, and they will need to decide whether they want to adjust their position or potentially move forward without you. The outcomes will depend on individual circumstances and the feelings involved.

When to Revisit the Conversation: Coming Back with Clarity

After a few weeks, you can revisit the conversation, but it’s crucial to approach it from a different angle. Ask them related questions like, “Did you have a chance to think about my last question?”

By this point, they’ve likely contemplated it at some point, giving you a better sense of whether their response holds their genuine feelings and intentions.

Once they provide feedback, you’ll know that their answer is the result of careful thought, whether it’s the truth or a deliberate lie. This approach helps distinguish between spontaneous responses and carefully considered ones.

Another reason why allowing people time to think things through is essential is that sometimes individuals may be in love without realizing it themselves. This period of reflection enables them to reevaluate their emotions and priorities.

If you hold significance in their life, they might not wait for you to raise the topic again; they could be the ones to reintroduce it. In this context, you being important to them may indicate that they either desire more from the relationship or they are willing to be straightforward about their true intentions.

They might openly communicate that such thoughts aren’t part of their plans, allowing you to decide whether you want to continue or move on. This period of reflection offers clarity and can lead to more honest and meaningful conversations.

Facing the Truth: Preparing for Honesty

Keep in mind that life is complex, and it becomes even more intricate when emotions are involved.

You must have the strength to accept whatever answer you receive.

Hopefully, they won’t return to lie to you just to maintain a presence in your life.

While some may return with stories of not realizing your value until you indirectly asked, in this case, you’ve facilitated their self-discovery.

In other scenarios, they might be straightforward, telling you that they don’t desire anything beyond what you already share with you.

The individuals you would least wish to return are those who confidently lie to stay in your life.

You also need to be prepared for such individuals because, eventually, they won’t be able to keep their true intentions hidden once the relationship becomes more established and official.

Choosing a New Path: When the Old Foundation Doesn’t Serve

If your current relationship foundation no longer aligns with your desires, it’s essential to address it. Seeking relationship clarity will lead to the building of a stronger foundation which is vital for a healthy and fulfilling partnership.

There might be another way to handle a situation that seems to be leading nowhere, and if you’ve never discussed it with your partner before, consider taking a different approach.

One way to navigate this is by removing yourself from the equation as much as possible and then expressing your feelings and reasons for distancing yourself.

This approach is appropriate because the existing foundation wasn’t constructed to accommodate your current needs. Therefore, breaking free from the old foundation is necessary; otherwise, things will remain unchanged, regardless of any attempts to pretend otherwise.

It’s crucial to have this conversation one way or another, whether through direct or indirect means. While direct communication may seem appealing, indirect approaches have their advantages, which could be beneficial for you to explore.

If you distance yourself, and your supposed partner doesn’t feel like you complete them in any way and isn’t interested in discussing it, they may not have envisioned you in that manner. In such a case, it’s best for you to move forward with your life.

Bottom Line

By choosing to ask the questions that matter to you, you have given yourself a chance at happiness. Asking is one of the ways you can understand what the other person has in mind for you, without falling into assumptions that could end up hurting you. This is you seeking relationship clarity from the one your feelings and mind have agreed to be with.

The only way to know that you are in a relationship is if it is clearly defined. It should not be based on assumptions or conclusions derived from feelings or thoughts alone. If there is no mutual agreement, then there is no relationship.

You will truly be in a relationship when you and your partner have made the conscious decision to be in one. Avoid being in a relationship in your mind alone; instead, ask questions and seek clarity so that you can experience a level of happiness and fulfillment in your life for the time being.