Why would people want you to change who you are as a person?

Ever thought about the reasons behind people wanting others to change?

There definitely must be a reason right?

Let us take a look at the positive side of a life scenario and talk about the essence of maintaining one’s uniqueness.

Let us assume you have worked hard over the years to understand and love who you are and then suddenly you meet someone who isn’t comfortable with who you are as a person.

Then the person wants you to become something that you are not for whatever reason they have in mind.

But then it is essential to maintain your uniqueness despite any change that you may pass through at any point in your life.

Think about why it is essential to maintain one’s uniqueness.

What is the essence of maintaining your uniqueness you may ask? Of course, there are so many reasons why you should remain you.

One of those so many reasons is the fact that it enhances self-love.

Your uniqueness, when maintained by you, will give you the self-pride of being able to remain you without any pretense or disguise.

“Don’t be afraid of being unique, it’s like being afraid of your best self.”- Donald Trump

These days, a lot of people wish to be like ‘everybody’, and then sometimes we are left wondering… what happened to uniqueness?

Possibly, we are ignorant about it being a part of our personality. I understand that life can be tricky when we do not position our minds to absorb the impacts it throws at us which sometimes are either good or bad and often present itself in form of hardship, corruption, and effect of association, etc.

It’s very possible given that these factors and more can push us to change into what we are not.

What is uniqueness?

Uniqueness does not mean being good or bad. It simply is a distinct way of thinking and acting that is only synonymous with you.

Dictionary.com defines being unique as “existing as the only one or as a sole example; single; solitary in type or characteristics.”

Our uniqueness is why we have such words as ‘individuality’, which represents an inbuilt quality that resides within us that is capable of setting us apart from others when we happen to tap into it. But what do we do with our quality? we often neglect it.

We often change without examining if there exists any need for us to.

How do we change because someone or a set of persons want us to?

Funny enough, a lot of us have changed something unique about ourselves because others wanted us to at some point.

While change is a certainty for everyone, it is vital to be aware of the timing as it matters.

According to Shanina Shaik, “Everyone has something unique about them”.

Change is known as a constant process but knowing if it’s required at a particular point in time is an important question to consider before attempting it.

When Is Personality change Okay?

Getting into our personal lives… every day we hear the word change for good, change for better. Often it seems as if everyone around us wants us to change and in most cases, we find ourselves thinking about it.

For instance, let’s assume we have different kinds of personalities… in the sense that some people are quiet and seem slow while others are loud and quick.

Lets say one of the two for reasons known to them suddenly wants the other to change so as to suit into their own life view or lifestyle.

How sensible would that sound to a logical mind? It could come out as selfishness.

You might be in one of these categories, the fact remains that none is bad if you understand and feel comfortable in it and if you know how to harness it for something good. If we are all quiet then who gets to be loud and vice versa?

Most people might see it as a weakness that you are calm and gentle and then they criticize you, trying to make you feel inferior or insecure because they want you to change into what they are so that you can be able to roll with them.

How about they change so that they can be able to roll with you? How would they feel about that? Who said that your personality is a weakness?

Let’s not get it wrong…It might be beneficial to you if you changed into what they ask, but first things must come first.

You don’t allow people to influence the ‘whom’ in you because you are friends with them, unless maybe it’s for a temporary purpose of which most times we try to play the role of a fool to get what we need.

But a permanent change for a reason with no positive future purpose, will be a change against self.

Allowing people to influence you without your permission is like trying to please them over yourself.

Change isn’t bad, a change with your consent, for a good course, and at the right time is what makes the difference, not just changing.

Ask yourself… for what purpose am I changing? Is it for a good course? or am I just changing for the sake of others or for the sake of change?

As it is said, “Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.”

If they can’t see what you’re worth, then it’s not your fault, it’s their problem and they should be left to deal with it. The fact is, someday, they may get to see your worth.

It’s important to note that we are all different and diverse in many ways which is why we are called individuals bearing different names and having different faces.

Individuality as a word is designated to a person having a special and unusual quality that is distinctive. It is a special trait and quality that makes a person different from others and we must respect that fact.

Your uniqueness, which is an integral part of you shouldn’t be something that should be shortchanged because of a certain person or group of persons.

If a change must happen, then it should be in the form of improvement and development on your current attributes and should be a thought-through process that must seek permission from the inner ‘you’ after weighing its benefits and drawbacks, its possible positive and negative consequences or outcome as it affects your life purpose, visions, mission, and goals.

The inner you must consider, compare and contrast before taking any steps towards making a delicate decision that may turn out to affect your life in the long run.       

Two Reasons people want you to change

There are many reasons why a person or set of persons might want you to change. The two main reasons why a person might want you to change could be either for their self-interest or for your self-interest.

Your ability to differentiate between these two would go a long way to help you to make a thought through clear decision.

Lets take a closer look at the two reasons:

• Reason 1: For their self-interest

In most cases, people want you to change, not because you aren’t good enough, but because they know that you are good and so want you to become like them or to act in a certain way so that you do not become an obstruction to their plans.

In other cases, they just want you to change so they can have leverage against you. They can’t stand the fact that you are different and so would do everything in their power to make sure you change.  They can tempt and threaten you directly or indirectly just to make sure you fall into their trap and then they have something over you if you succumb.

Often you will hear them say things like, it’s a matter of time before you change. In their eyes, your strength is a weakness, they will always try to pull you down with such a mentality in their heads.

When people want to pull you down, they try to turn your strength into a weakness. But the truth is that they can’t unless you allow them because no one can really change you without your permission.

The permission is that at one point, you would have thought about what is said to you and would have considered whether to play along or stay ‘you’.

Often such decisions can happen in an unconscious manner and the next day you will find yourself doing it.

• Reason 2: For your self-interest

In other scenarios, some people wish to see you change for your own benefit. And this interest is usually for the sake of the future.

Some people see potential in you and feel obligated to make sure that they help improve you more. You should be able to identify these kinds of people when they are around you. Most would help you because you help others or because you are good or because you have a special attitude that wow them. So, they give themselves up to making sure you get more out of life.

What do you gain by maintaining ‘your’ uniqueness?

You gain respect from yourself and others. There is a type of happiness that comes from within when we make that one decision that we felt was difficult for us. And more you will tend to continue growing in strength when making decisions concerning yourself in the future.

People respect you more when you refuse to bend to their pressure easily, whether your character is good or not they still respect you.

The fact remains that what people respect is not you as a whole, it’s your decision to remain true to yourself that they respect.

An understanding of self is the one knowledge that can enable one to stay true to self. Always remember, you are unique in your own way.

You have to get enlightened about the stuff you are made of. Being aware of yourself will enable you to have a better understanding of life in general.  You might want to ask yourself this question, do I understand ‘who’ I am? Answer the question and then you can begin from there.

The one question you need to ask yourself before you make that next change…

Sometimes we tend to ask ourselves the wrong questions when trying to make that big decision that can change our lives forever.

It’s important that we ask the right questions and that we are able to answer them and have an inner insight into the future.

In my opinion, Warren Buffett’s 10/10/10 rule stands out. We only need to recall the three questions whenever we are faced with a situation that calls for us to make delicate decisions that leads to a change.

When about to make that decision, ask yourself these three questions:

• How would I feel about my decision in 10 minutes?
•  How would I feel about my decision in 10 months?
• How would I feel about my decision in 10 years?

You can only decide for yourself because no one else can. No one changes any man but himself.

Change when you have to if you have to, and when you want to, but let the change come because you wanted it.

Try to maintain your uniqueness, and let no one force change on you

Sometimes we fail to understand that people are diverse in nature and so we tend to expect others to act and behave like us.

It is ‘maturity’ to at least understand life and what it entails to an extent. It has nothing to do with age.

Growing old or coming of age doesn’t give us that view about life, what does is the mindset with which we look and wade through life.

Sometimes when we are fixed minded, we hardly understand life and when we don’t understand that life isn’t always the way we see it, we begin to feel and see others as inferior and lesser than we are. So, we never respect anyone who has a different perspective than we do.

Understanding that we are unique in our own way is wisdom from the mind and respecting others for whom they are is more wisdom from the mind.

Do not let people pull you down for whom you are because they occupy high positions or because they have money or because they have come of age.

Try all you can to stay true to yourself and know when it’s necessary for you to make a change, know that you decide what you become.

So, take people’s advice as an opinion and then advise yourself by yourself.

Your decision can never be smarter than your thoughts and your actions can never be smarter than your decisions.

Your uniqueness is what makes you special. Be strong and bold to stand for yourself when the pressure of changing ‘whom’ you are arises except of course if you truly want to change.

Take your time to think and meditate on its outcome and on how it could affect you before taking the step to change. 

In the end, we all tend to live with the choices we make whether good or bad, but better to look back and realize that you truly made those decisions than to realize that it was made for you by others. This isn’t about changing for good or not. It is about changing because you consciously decided to.

The next time you are being pressured to change, think of it like you are in charge of yourself, your actions, and your life and it doesn’t matter what people feel because whether you agree to play along or not, you will still be criticized.

So, if you must, change because you decided to, and not because they asked you to.  Keep the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson close to your mind…“Insist on yourself, never imitate…every great man is unique”.